Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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