okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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