whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
