just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
