"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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