White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
