whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
