reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
