Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
