he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
