I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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