I need help removing her.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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