Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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