i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
