I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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