At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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