I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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