ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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