she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
