Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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