You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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