First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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