My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
