I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I did not marry a roomba.
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