Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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