just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
