This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
