Please, let me fuck your mom
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
