dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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