i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
