the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
