One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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