For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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