i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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