I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
