no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize