My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
