I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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