It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
