i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
