he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
