My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
