...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
