dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
