im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize