i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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