By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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