I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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