I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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