elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
