Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
