I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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