The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
as a side note pls kill me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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