I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
