You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How external is "for external use only"?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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