I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
