what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
