So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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