If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
