and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
