dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
do herpes really smell.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's shark week go big or go home
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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