Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
