i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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