Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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