I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Vodka?
Forever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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