Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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