i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
