It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
