There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
